Back to School!

Well, I never got to make a second trip to my country this summer.  I had hoped to be able to go when I didn't have to take unpaid leave and was hopeful some little girls would become available.  Two other families that lost their first application have made second trips and found children.  Ok, one couple took siblings which I can't take but the other couple found a six year old girl.  As I've mentioned before there doesn't seem to be a clearly defined waiting list, but if the one couple found a six year old girl and I went down after them in May, one can only hope that the next little girl that becomes available, I'm told about.  Unfortunately, it isn't quite that easy or simple and things don't work that way! 

I was sent a pictue of a little girl in late July, early August but there was very scant information on her.  I was surprised by this given another client and the agent visitied the home.  I can't say much in this forum but I felt the situation akin to  "international child apprehension!"   Never mind social services apprehending a child, now there would have been some "white" stranger coming in and taking the child!   The girl could have been placed in an orphanage in the interim but it still didn't sit right with me.   The parents had agreed to give the child up, but it just felt so wrong to me that I had to trust my gut.  I posted a bit about this on my other blog and want to thank all of you who left comments or sent emails.  I am truly grateful for my new online friends and can't thank you enough for your support.  One email was particularly touching, very, very open and insightful.  It cemented for me the decision I had basically already made.  I waited to talk to the other agency client who had met this girl before giving my final answer, and when he had very little recall of the visit decided to let it go.  I then sent the eamil saying, "Thank you but no thank you."  The reply back was that I would now have a long wait.

I think I have realized what my problem is.  I am thinking too much and maybe instead of looking and then leaping, I just need to leap!   This is a huge shift for me and one I don't think I can make, especially in regards to something as life alterating as adoption.

I am back to school on Tuesday.  Here in British Columbia we start after the Labour Day weekend.  This school year will have to better than last as we were in job action for the entire year!I am hoping my students will be a distraction from the adoption process as it has been a very long August!  Sitting waiting without knowing is incredibly difficult.  At least if I knew I had a number and was on a list, I could wait with patience and certainty that eventually a match would be made.  I made the "bed" I am in, knowing how my country worked but not doubting that I wouldn't have found a match..  I had such an incredible sense of peace and calm as we left Toronto yet I am now wondering what that was about and where it came from.  I travelled in May, confident of finding a match - everyboody else had, so why shouldn't I.  Now I have to find a way to get comfortable in this "bed" I've made for myself.

Have a good long weekend and I hope you have all had a good summer.  I hope those of with children have a great school year!