Back to School!

Well, I never got to make a second trip to my country this summer.  I had hoped to be able to go when I didn't have to take unpaid leave and was hopeful some little girls would become available.  Two other families that lost their first application have made second trips and found children.  Ok, one couple took siblings which I can't take but the other couple found a six year old girl.  As I've mentioned before there doesn't seem to be a clearly defined waiting list, but if the one couple found a six year old girl and I went down after them in May, one can only hope that the next little girl that becomes available, I'm told about.  Unfortunately, it isn't quite that easy or simple and things don't work that way! 

I was sent a pictue of a little girl in late July, early August but there was very scant information on her.  I was surprised by this given another client and the agent visitied the home.  I can't say much in this forum but I felt the situation akin to  "international child apprehension!"   Never mind social services apprehending a child, now there would have been some "white" stranger coming in and taking the child!   The girl could have been placed in an orphanage in the interim but it still didn't sit right with me.   The parents had agreed to give the child up, but it just felt so wrong to me that I had to trust my gut.  I posted a bit about this on my other blog and want to thank all of you who left comments or sent emails.  I am truly grateful for my new online friends and can't thank you enough for your support.  One email was particularly touching, very, very open and insightful.  It cemented for me the decision I had basically already made.  I waited to talk to the other agency client who had met this girl before giving my final answer, and when he had very little recall of the visit decided to let it go.  I then sent the eamil saying, "Thank you but no thank you."  The reply back was that I would now have a long wait.

I think I have realized what my problem is.  I am thinking too much and maybe instead of looking and then leaping, I just need to leap!   This is a huge shift for me and one I don't think I can make, especially in regards to something as life alterating as adoption.

I am back to school on Tuesday.  Here in British Columbia we start after the Labour Day weekend.  This school year will have to better than last as we were in job action for the entire year!I am hoping my students will be a distraction from the adoption process as it has been a very long August!  Sitting waiting without knowing is incredibly difficult.  At least if I knew I had a number and was on a list, I could wait with patience and certainty that eventually a match would be made.  I made the "bed" I am in, knowing how my country worked but not doubting that I wouldn't have found a match..  I had such an incredible sense of peace and calm as we left Toronto yet I am now wondering what that was about and where it came from.  I travelled in May, confident of finding a match - everyboody else had, so why shouldn't I.  Now I have to find a way to get comfortable in this "bed" I've made for myself.

Have a good long weekend and I hope you have all had a good summer.  I hope those of with children have a great school year!

What to do?

I have to say I am honestly ready to give up.  I really respect people that have a lot of faith as I don't really feel like anybody is on my side!  I still have one avenue to investigate and have been kind of derailed by a three week work committment that pretty much made phone contact with Eastern Canada during office hours impossible.   I am at my parents' place this week and home next week so I will look at the other country and talk to F.  

I knew my country didn't have a matching system and that a trip was required to visit the orphanages.  You've all patiently followed along on that trip and hoped and prayed for the best.  It turns out that  I am not the only family or applicant to have lost a child in the application process and I am now trying to decide whether to make a second, quick trip before school begins.  I would only go if I knew for sure there was a one or more little girls available and would have to go alone.  YIKES!  I would try and make it an "in and out" trip, visit the child, put in the application, get the medical for me and come out.  I certainly wouldn't spend days visiting places like I did before.  But as there seems to be so few children available I am not holding my breath. 

It cost me more to mail both packages than you could have imagined.  Air mail was 2-3 weeks, surface mail 4-6 weeks.  Please tell me how it takes 3 weeks to send something by plane to a nation's capital!  We aren't talking about 'deepest, darkest Peru" (gotta know about that - Paddington Bear).

So for now my mind is being taken off things by the Olympics.  Oh, by the way the TV did not mention my potential future child's country, the one I visitied, even though the country has three athletes in London.  I feel this is a slap in the face to all the country's Canadians in and around Toronto.   I did email the channel providing the commentary but haven't heard a thing.  I so hope one of these athletes medals and then there could be an outcry, albeit a small one.  I love how it was reported that somebody in New Zealand said the medal count should be reported, by population.  Apparently that would put Grenada at the top!   I have also heard it said the medal count should be done by GDP, with the European countries part of the EU, put together!  Not going to happen I know, but it would be nice if once in a while the TV reported the medals in a different way to show us all a different ranking and perspective on things.  Still on an Olympic note, I have to say I am so proud of Bolt and Blake. Go Jamaica go for the men's 200 m final!   It is so refreshing to see another country, especially a small one, win gold!